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Information & advice
Masking
If your child masks their autism or ADHD, they are likely working super hard every day to navigate a world that doesn’t always understand them.
Explore what masking looks like, why it happens, how it differs in boys and girls, and how you can support your child at any stage of their development.
What is masking?
Masking refers to the conscious or unconscious act of suppressing or mimicking behaviours to appear more “neurotypical”. This may be to try to fit in, avoid negative reactions, or meet the expectations of those around them. Long-term masking can be exhausting and harmful to an individual’s mental health.
Understanding masking can help you recognise when your child is struggling and create an environment where they feel safe to be themselves.
A child may mask by:
- Copying the way their peers talk, play, or express emotions.
- Forcing themselves to make eye contact even if it feels uncomfortable.
- Hiding stimming behaviours – this might be hand-flapping, rocking, or fidgeting.
- Over-preparing what to say in social situations to avoid ‘making mistakes’.
- Smiling, laughing, or nodding along to conversations that they don’t fully understand.
Many children learn to mask from an early age, especially if they pick up on unspoken social rules or receive negative reactions when they express their natural behaviours.
Why do children mask?
Children may begin masking for several reasons, including:
- Social acceptance: They want to make friends and fit in with their peers.
- Avoid judgment or bullying: They may have experienced negative reactions to their autistic/ADHD traits and want to avoid being singled out.
- Meeting adult expectations: Parents, teachers, or caregivers may unintentionally reinforce masking by praising “good” behaviour (e.g. sitting still, making eye contact etc) while discouraging natural autistic/ADHD expressions.
- Survival mechanism: In overwhelming or confusing environments, masking may be seen as a way to stay safe and avoid conflict.
Signs of masking at different ages
Babies & toddlers
Masking can start early, even before a formal diagnosis. Signs include:
- Appearing unusually quiet or passive in social settings compared to when they are alone or with close family.
- Mimicking other children’s play styles rather than initiating their own activities.
- Delaying natural responses to interactions (e.g. not showing distress when overwhelmed until they get home).
School-age children
As children grow, masking can become more complex by:
- Mimicking their peers’ speech patterns, interests, or body language to blend in.
- Suppressing stimming behaviours (e.g. keeping their hands still even when anxious).
- Appearing “fine” at school but experiencing frequent emotional outbursts or exhaustion at home.
- Over-apologising or showing extreme perfectionism due to fear of making mistakes.
Teenagers & young adults
Older children and young adults can develop sophisticated masking strategies, such as:
- Creating “scripts” for conversations to sound more socially confident.
- Hiding distress or sensory overload until they are alone.
- Struggling with self-identity because they’ve spent so much time acting like someone else.
- Experiencing anxiety, depression, or autistic burnout due to the ongoing effort required to maintain their mask.
How masking differs in girls & boys
While both boys and girls can mask, research suggests that autistic girls are more likely to do so. This may contribute to later diagnosis or being overlooked entirely.
Though masking behaviours can overlap, here are some differences:
Masking in boys
- Boys may copy the actions of their peers, even if they don’t fully understand the social dynamics.
- They might adopt structured social roles, such as “the class clown” or “the quiet one” to avoid unpredictable interactions.
- Some boys suppress stimming behaviours in a group setting but may still engage in them privately or when back home with family.
Masking in girls
- Girls are often very good at mimicking social behaviours, making their struggles less obvious.
- Many autistic girls develop “social scripts” to help them navigate friendships.
- Instead of obvious stimming, girls may have more subtle coping mechanisms, such as playing with their hair, doodling, or fidgeting.
- They may push themselves to be “perfect” socially, which can lead to anxiety, exhaustion, and burnout.
Autistic girls often appear social and well-adjusted on the surface but may be at a higher risk of being misdiagnosed or going undiagnosed for years.
The impact of masking
While masking can help children appear to fit in, it often comes at a significant emotional and physical cost. Constantly suppressing their true selves can lead to exhaustion and burnout.
This ongoing self-monitoring can increase feelings of anxiety and depression, making daily life more challenging. It can also affect the ability to build genuine relationships, as they may feel like they have to hide who they really are to be accepted. In many cases, this can delay diagnosis and access to the support needed.
How to support your child
Recognise and validate their feelings
- Let your child know that it’s okay to be themselves and they don’t have to hide their traits to be accepted.
- Create open conversations where they feel safe sharing their experiences.
Create a safe space at home
- Allow them to unmask without fear of judgment.
- Support their sensory needs by providing things like weighted blankets, noise-cancelling headphones, or adjustable lighting.
Encourage self-expression
- Let them stim freely and engage in activities they enjoy.
- Support their interests to build confidence and happiness.
Advocate for their needs in school & beyond
- Work with teachers to ensure they understand that “good behaviour” doesn’t always mean a child is coping well.
- Help your child learn self-advocacy skills, such as asking for breaks when overwhelmed.
Celebrate differences
- Talk about differences as strengths, not flaws
- Highlight what your child is good at
- Share stories of autistic/ADHD people who are thriving while embracing their authentic selves. You can read our article about inspiring famous people with disabilities here.